Does my butt look big in these pants?

Why are we always so hard on ourselves? Especially as women; we have so many reason to feel good about ourselves.

I know so many incredible women. Every woman I have in my life is incredible. From the business women, the mothers, the athletes; all of them!

Yet, we are our worst critics. I’m sure there are a thousand blog posts about this but I just need to add my two cents.

I am someone who has a lot of confidence but also questions myself a lot.

Meaning, I know that I am pretty but I often find myself wondering if I am pretty enough. If maybe my hair was longer, or my eyebrows were more “on point”, what if my forehead wasn’t so big? What if I had great perky boobs. Would people think I was prettier?

More than anything else that eats at me though is my weight. Ha ha, no pun intended. I have struggled since puberty with my weight; I was petite until I decided that birth control was a thing I needed to start taking. More on that later -birth control likes to try and kill me.

When I was 19 I, very clearly, now looking back had an eating disorder. I would eat miniscule amounts of food while taking diet pills and running a few times a week. I was down to my lowest about 129lbs. Now, at 5’8 that was too thin…

It took me fainting during my practicum college year to realize I needed to smarten up. I began eating more and running less -stopped taking the diet pills which resulted in me, in the years to come, to explode.

At 25 I was engaged, with a great job, wonderful friends but I was incredibly unhappy with how I looked. I unfortunately didn’t get my shit together before I got married and will now forever look at my wedding photos disapointed in myself for not losing weight.

About six months after I got married was the breaking point for me, I stepped on the scale to see that I had ballooned to 173lbs; the heaviest I had ever been and I was not okay with it. I decided then and there that things needed to  change. I had a wedding in June and I was going to look fetch af at it.

I began working out and eating healthy and guess what? I lost fucking nothing. NOTHING! Not even a single mother fucking pound. Talk about discouraging!

I then turned to drastic measures. I cut my calories down to 1000 calories a day and I started to lose weight! I’ll admit I was hungry as shit for the first three weeks then, golden! I’m not saying this is the right thing to do, it just worked for me. I figure I was eating more than my body needed for the amount of exercise I was getting. I have officially lost about 23 pounds and I do feel a lot better. My favorite encouraging moment happen on our “What happens Past” trip a few weekends ago when I squished myself into one of my skinniest friends pants. Full disclosure -they were stretchy as shit and it wasn’t that impressive. However, it made me feel like a million bucks! She may never be able to wear the pants again so I should probably get her something nice for Christmas….

As much as I love the wonderful Christmas Season, I also dread it for all of its wonderful tasty treats. It doesn’t help any with the struggle. I also know I’m not alone in this feat of trying to look fetch af.

My thoughts? Fuck it -it’s almost 2016, may we all try again then. Know that you’re not alone, we all thing periodically that we’re not good enough. My suggestion? Tell your hot af girlfriends that they’re hot af! They deserve to hear it because I guarantee they’re not telling themselves that.


Happy dieting then binge eating friends! xxo

-Scarlet ❤



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